tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39517901252299227132023-11-16T09:32:13.636+02:00Hunt for perfection....-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.comBlogger70125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-80407583552412570502009-10-27T18:19:00.002+02:002009-10-27T18:22:37.081+02:00New blog+ photos<span style="font-weight: bold;">I am so sorry to say this but i have to move my blog to a different palce.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">i have some tecincal problems and also some other stuff.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">some people almost found out about this blog and now i have to do a nother one to protect myself more.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">i am sorry and i hope you start following me also in my new blog</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">and also i am posting some pictures tomorrow to my new blog so i hope i see you all there soon :D</span><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://broken-dreams-ss.blogspot.com/">New blog here !</a>-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-14652810751491765962009-10-24T17:52:00.000+03:002009-10-24T17:54:11.388+03:00<span style="font-weight: bold;">I am not allowed to post before i am 59.0 kg.<br />I am a miserable failure and need to get myself together, so untill i havent done that i dont deserve your lovely comments.<br /><br />I will see you when i am 59.0 kg....<br />Ofcourse then i need to lose more 8 kg but i want to be out of the sixties before i come back.<br /><br /></span>-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-34436438306383975922009-10-19T19:23:00.001+03:002009-10-19T19:54:51.187+03:00#8 Quiz and booze<span class="blog-entry">1. Favourite healthy binge food:<br />2. Favourite thinspo song:<br />3. Favourite thinspo book:<br />4. Favourite thinspo film:<br />5: Favourite thinspo person:<br />6. Whats your ultimate goal weight and why did you pick it:<br />7. How do you think your ED has affected your life:<br />8: How do you think your ED has affected other people's lives:<br />9: Where do you get the majority of your support:<br />10: Whats your best feature: </span>-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-6005705806319913082009-10-16T14:10:00.003+03:002009-10-16T21:04:41.792+03:00#5 60.0kgI mean 100g more(that is 0.22<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ibs</span>) and i wold have reached my goal to be in the fifties by 16.October. But no i could not be like 59.9 i had to be 60.0. i am do mad mad, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">okey</span> lest face it. I lost 2.7 kg(6<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ibs</span>) i 4 days. That is like fantastic. well of course at least half of that was water weight from my binge weekend so i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">dont</span> think i lost that much fat. But anyways i would have been perfect to be 59.9. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Argghhh</span>.<br /><br />Intake: 470<br />That is soup plus bread. I also had a dessert at school a cup of yogurt(135<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">kcal</span>)t but i did not eat it. I took it home, it is in my refrigerator at the moment. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">tought</span> that if i get like really hungry i can eat it, but then i read my blog comments and Ana Girl suggested that we should not eat anything sweet. so i am not eating that Yogurt. You are so great Ana's girl. We are strong and can make it. No sweet stuff no more today or any food at all in that matter.<br /><br />So plan for the weekend:<br />Friday-no food after 12am( last meal school lunch)<br />Saturday- No food until like 4pm.<br />We are going to a party with E and we are staying at her grandmother house so supper will be a must. Because i will not have any excuse to say no because i will spend the hole day with E and she will know that i have not eaten anything all day. But i will keep the intake low. max 500<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">kcal</span>.<br />also party means alcohol but i dry not to go overboard. I mean i usually <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">dont</span> drink that much. i just want a good buzz not i am so fucking drunk i cant walk. And on an almost empty stomach i will reach mu buzz really fast.<br />Sunday- <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">breakfast</span> at E <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">grandma's</span> place and then no food.<br /><br />By the way Ana's Girl M is blond and T is brunette. so what a coincidence. and also M is really sweet and T is more of a EGO and bad boy. i mean i once cried because of him and i like cry like less than once a year. But T is with a better body and the sexual tension between us is like wow.<br /><br />so do you want to see pictures about me?<br />i mean like a head shot <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">because</span> i am too ashamed to show my body just jet. so maybe i will post some pictures on sunday-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-26719848832830511292009-10-15T17:40:00.004+03:002009-10-15T18:25:41.605+03:00#4 photoesFirstly, i now have the tickets to that concert i talked a few days ago so we are definitely going. i just hope that M can also come that would be fantastic. i mean maybe i will find the courage from somewhere and try to make that next step and see if he would like me as his girlfriend. I have this thing that i think that i am too ugly, fat and boring for anyone to like me so my self-esteem is like rock-bottom.<br />i have actually this other guy T who i dated a year ago for a really short time, but guess what i still like him and think about him often. And there i am also like does he still like me or not. we did not break up but we just drifted away but i wish we <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">hadnt</span>. he has like the perfect body.<br />but M is really sweet and cares about me.<br />so i am like who do i pick.??... well i am talking about picking but maybe neither of the guys like me or want me as there <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">gf</span>.<br />We had out class pictures taken and also this album pictures where are all of the teachers and our portrait pictures. i really fucking hope i look good on on those pictures and not like a fat cow. i mean in 11 years i have only one class picture where i look normal and not a monster and that pic was taken last year when i was like 10kg lighter so. <br /><br />do you have some thing that you decide if you are skinny or not.?<br />To my mind i am skinny if i can ware a white T-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">shirt</span> and not look FAT. i never ware white t-shirts because they make me fat.<br /><br />I really need to get up from my saggy butt and start doing some workouts.<br /><br />I have like huge amount of clothes what i cant ware at the moment because i am a fat cow. i bought clothes and they are all in XS size and pretty tight. so every fat particle will show. Need to get skinny soon so i can ware all my lovely new clothes. Motivation. Motivation. Motivation.<br /><br />Food intake:670<br />I am a bit worried that my body is going to starvation mode and start holding on to that fat. so i am like should i eat something to keep my metabolism going or not.<br />What do you think?<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold;">Ana Girl-</span> thanks for your support. i really love to read your blog. maybe tomorrow i will not eat any of my dessert at school. lets hope that :D.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">dietlexy</span>-</span>people see one thing and the real me is something else. i feel like i am waring a mask to hide all my flaws and fears ( fears make us vulnerable)<br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" dir="ltr"></span>-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-85161301078099831352009-10-14T17:52:00.003+03:002009-10-14T18:05:05.915+03:00#3So about the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">concert</span> thing i decided not to go with the two couples but i am still going. actually we will be going to another town to see the same <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">concert</span> on <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Saturday</span> with E.<br />another plus to that is that my friend M might come also. I have mentioned m in my previous post. hes is such a nice guy i love to talk to him. we send text all the time. He is not my bf but well i would not mind if he was.<br /><br />Food intake-750<br />Personal <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">accomplishment</span>-i ate only half of my desert at school. i always eat all my desert at school so that is a big deal to me. if i would have know how much <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">cals</span> it had i would have not even the half.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-49083742622374971842009-10-13T15:56:00.002+03:002009-10-13T16:10:31.959+03:00#2 like a sope opheraI feel like i am living in a sope ophera.<br />I have this friend E who wants to throw her birthay party in R-s oncles house, but she cant because the oncle wont allow it. so no E is mad on R and R is mad at E. I mean god could you just grow up. It is not R's fault that her oncle wont allow them do a party. E should just find a different place and well get over it.<br />Anyways the reason this all affects me ( besides that they are my friends) is that we had a plan to go to a club/ concert thsi weekend and now R does not want E to come so that mean if i want to go i have to go with R and her boyfriend and with K and her boyfriend. Two couples and than me. I dont think that wold be fun for me but i really need some partying....<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">what do you think girls? should i go?</span><br /><br />Also E and R had a fight a few week ago when E told R that she is diching her freinds for a boy. I mean they a both so anoying.<br /><br />Anyways in good new i Water fasted yestarday Wohooooo....<br />and today i have consumed 460kcal.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-71635461678471704512009-10-12T10:47:00.003+03:002009-10-12T11:23:25.977+03:00#1 My starting measurementsHeight: 166/ 5'5"<br />Weight: 62,7kg/138ibs<br />Bmi: 22.8<br /><br />Bust: 95cm/37.4 inc<br />Waist: 75cm/29.5 inc<br />Hips: 91 cm/ 35.8 inc<br />Tight: 54 cm/21.3 inc<br />Lower part of the leg: 37cm/ 14.6 inc<br /><br />So my goals are:<br /><br />Weight: 51/112inc<br />bmi 18.5<br />Bust: 81<br />Waist: 61<br />Hips 91<br />I choose those measurements because they are a American size 0 or 2 (i am not sure)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Goal date: 23.december</span><br />Of course i want to reach it earlyer.<br /><br />Those number are just my First thought i may stop before i reach 51 kg or loose even more it really depends on how i see myself from the mirror.<br />If you have any sugestions for my goal weight dont hestitate to say what you think.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-4005986391516413382009-10-12T01:52:00.003+03:002009-10-12T10:27:42.932+03:00#1 I am just fucked up<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">1.59 am:<br />Jeah</span> i admit it. i am totally fucked <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">up</span>. i mean i have no fucking <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ide</span>a what the hell is going on in my head. I am like a robot i just do things i am <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">supposed</span> to do as well as i can.( and at the moment i cant <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">handle</span> even that) i am so numb i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dont</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">fucking</span> care that i have a big test tomorrow. i had the hole weekend to study but what did i do? Ding-ding i binged like the wold is going to end.<br />I mean i have never been so depressed and sad and so "i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">dont</span> fucking care about anything". it is so late and i should go to sleep becaue i have to wake up tomorrow at 7.am and go to scool but fuck school.<br /><br />In a better note i took out my tarot cards today and well if they are right i am going to have a really good boy relationship soon. God i hope the cards a right. i mean i really need some <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">cuddling</span>.<br /><br />I am off to bed now. i will uptade in the evening and report how my first day went. jeah i am restarting my weight loss programm ( ofcoures this is like my hundret first day, but hell who cares)<br /><br />sry i am in a really depressed/bitchi mood after my binge and also some god damn Boy problems.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-23930708046380337542009-10-10T18:58:00.001+03:002009-10-10T19:02:01.806+03:00#0 I am backMy computer was totally not working almost a month so i could not post. Also i have been so depressed that i sometimes just want to curl up in a corner and stay there and hide myself from the world. I havent lost any weight. I eat normally and then i binge. and starve myself for a day or two and then binge. I think i am about 62 kg. at the moment. I know it is discusting. Just discusting. I am depressed i hate school and i hate me. I hate taht i am so weak. Anyways i am starting again. this time it is<br />Do it or be a discusting cow the rest of the world.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-74846823234333604222009-09-23T23:24:00.000+03:002009-09-23T23:25:41.198+03:00So sorry i havent posted for so long.<br />I have been bad and depressed and what ever. It is in the past now and behind me.<br />I i asked to a birthday party by M. the really sweet guy.<br />One big problem. I look so fat and nothing looks good on me.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-56691578097534085462009-09-05T10:20:00.010+03:002009-09-05T22:56:28.021+03:00wehen shit happens it just piles<span style="font-weight: bold;">So i did my homework. </span><span>What is great because usually i do it Sunday late evenings or not at all. You know it is good to be the "good girl" sometimes. All my teachers think that i am this sweet and really good girl and sometimes i am. And i do care about people but in the end i am the most important person for me.<br />All my friends say that i am a person who wants to achieve more and more and is really determined. And AMBITIOUS. That is so true because i want to be the best in everything. There is no second place. It is the winner and the looser.<br /><br />I am watching </span>Supersize Vs. Superskinny. Really good.<br /><br />I hate being at home i just snack constantly. And that ads up way too much food. Usually i go to the fridge and just eat there. i dont put my food on the plate and that really has to stop.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Intake</span><br />about 2500, damn honey<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Running:-300<br /><br />Ate like a fucking big. I really need some good distractions.<br />Went running, sprained my leg what means i ran like 30 minutes only.<br />Mom is now really spying on me. Found out that i took a laxative pill i denied but i dont really thing she bought me.<br />I just wish she would leave me fucking alone.<br /></span>-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-73096305113754092782009-09-04T14:59:00.006+03:002009-09-04T22:17:11.328+03:0060.4<span>That was the number on the scale today morning, i should have been 60 kg so i am behind my goal for 0,4kg. That is bad but as the way i am eating i didnt expect a miracle. <span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><span>I kown i should not consume so much cals but if i dont eat well at breakfast and lunch my stomach will start being and asshole and make noises from hell. Anywasy at least i am loosing. But the progress will be slow and i will hate that it takse so long but well eventually i will be skinny. i mean when i wanted a fast loose i didnt eat much for days and then binged like a cow.<br />I had PE today. I was so damn hot there because i was wearing a long sleaved sweatshirt. But there was no way in hell i would have taken it off. I would have looked so discusting with my tight gym t-shirt. i was a idiot when i cleaned my closet i threw away all my big shirts so i would have to loose weight or nothing would fit me. Also it mean that all my shirts are now really tight and i have nothing suitable to wear for PE.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Intake:</span><br /></div>Bread: 150<br />Soup: 200<br />Milk dessert: 240<br />apples:300<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Running: -400</span><br /><br />I eat lunch at school so some of my cals are not as accurate but that is the best i can do.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-13802177544540080182009-09-03T21:09:00.005+03:002009-09-03T22:10:44.940+03:00homeworkIt is day 2 of school and already i cant do my homework. i just keep putting it off. I have to do this translation thing for my English class(English is not my mother tongue) and i just... so lazy and i dont want to do it because it is a long boring text.<br />So about eating. i know i should really start counting calories to find out how much i eat but i think about 1200 today. I know it is a lot but i am trying to break the cycle of eat 500cals for 7 days and then go into full binge mode for 4 days and gain all i lost back. Anyways we will see how this will work.<br />i promise i will start counting calories from tomorrow.<br />Anyways on have a exercise plan 2 days of running for 45minutes then one day off then 2 running and so on. This gives my body time to recover. Also i will start doing different abs, but and arm exercised. well i did some today but i cant really cont that as a real muscle building workout.<br />I have PE tomorrow and i hate it. i have really tight workout clothes and i just look ugly fat in them and every mean girl/and we have lots of them) will see my fat discusting body and just will comment on that. Even if they dont say it loud i know what they think, she was so skinny last year but now she has gotten all the fat back. But i will show those girls i will be the hottest girl in my class soon.<br />Tomorrow is the first weigh in. wish me luck.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255); font-weight: bold;">Ana's Girl:</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>I really hope my mom will leave me alone, if she keeps this up i will blow off on her and really screm to leave me alone and mind her own business. Jeah the plan is ok. I will loose slowly maybe even very slowly but atleast i will not binge ( well i hope i will not) And all you comments are really lovely.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;" dir="ltr"><a href="profile/05516761987710967850" rel="nofollow" onclick="">Thinantha</a></span>: I hope you dont have to have that conversation with anyone. Mine was:<br />Mom: we need to talk about your eating. Do you have eating disorders, i mean anorexia?<br />Me: no. you dont have to worry. i have no eating disorder so just leave me alone.<br />MOM: i see how you eat. you know exepting it is the first step to recovery.<br />ME: I dont have an ED okey. dont you thrust me if i say id ont have it.<br />Mom:....<br />In my mind i just wanted to screm: I AM 18 I CAN DO WHAT THE HELL I WANT TO DO AND YOU HAVE NO POWER TO STOP ME DOING WHAT I WANT.<br /><br />About the tatto... How much it will cost like to do it. i have no idea?<br /><span dir="ltr"><br /><a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="profile/05061272673623201007" rel="nofollow" onclick="">piana</a></span>: I love to play football with friends, but i dont like watching it bores me to hell.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;" dir="ltr"><a href="profile/15637887107886528432" rel="nofollow" onclick="">Rachel B</a></span>:I love scool in that way. it really distracts me and i cant eat there. actually i love that i have thing that fill my day, it is so much easiyer. i mean when i had all free days in summer i just ate all the time because i was bored.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">CA:</span> I will do something meaningful i just dont know what jet.<br /><br />PS! Thank you so much for being so suportive about the mother thing.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-72362455292262734272009-09-02T18:24:00.002+03:002009-09-02T18:39:29.804+03:00SHIT.<br />My mom had an "do you have anorexia?" conversation with me. I said no. i dont know did he believe me or not. Heaven knows i am not skinny enough to be anorexic. Well she thinks i have problems because she found my laxatives ( stupid me, should have hidden them more carefully) and also she saw or read a page from my diary( i wanted to kill her).<br />At least i am 18 so there are not a lot of things she can do besides the long conversations she wants to have where i talk about my feelings and stuff. Jeah mom that is never going to happen.<br />i have 10 months to live with her and then i will be of to university or to another country. So that will be great. At this point i just want my mom to leave me alone.<br /><br />Anyways i had a great time with my friends yesterday. We drank some champagne, did some pictures and just talked and laughed. Food was bad but at least i stopped myself from binge eating but lets say i was no where near anorexia.<br />But i did go running or actually it was jogging. well i have this plan that i go jogging at least 3 times a week for 45 minutes. but i think i can do better and maybe even 6 times a week but 3 is minimal.<br /> anywas i have this new plan i will eat breakfast and lunch and no dinner. and weekends i will eat 700 Saturday and fast on Sunday. Sunday is a really good day to fast beacause i cant binge when i finish my fast( i binge every time i try to fast) because i it will be Monday morning and i have to go to school.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-33709473711574961162009-09-01T13:36:00.003+03:002009-09-01T13:46:16.017+03:00ScoolToday was first day of school. I really felt like i was the fattest girl in our class and believe me the feeling was not good.<br />i have set myself the ultimate date . I want to be 51 kg on the first day of Autumn holiday. That gives me 52 day to loose this fatt i have on me. I know i can do this or i will have to start going to school naked because i dont have anything to ware because all my clothes will be too small for me.<br />I have a reward for myself. If i am 51 kg on the morning of 23.October i will get a tattoo.<br />So i have to do to<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgclt32OXp_JmvGpz-XXSbuIn6gl18K4906CmrQe-Fbi6lm4xwZWGTdoq6VOPy6mCgKydvp4nbMinQZNI4tLHTwrKjjvblW1wpOZPaoAqGCUYxi6_0rLtL3yfUx311YaHY3r2yB2U85qzk/s1600-h/2mdm89h.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgclt32OXp_JmvGpz-XXSbuIn6gl18K4906CmrQe-Fbi6lm4xwZWGTdoq6VOPy6mCgKydvp4nbMinQZNI4tLHTwrKjjvblW1wpOZPaoAqGCUYxi6_0rLtL3yfUx311YaHY3r2yB2U85qzk/s200/2mdm89h.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376448063134634690" border="0" /></a>w things by then<br />1) loose the fat 10kg<br />2) make up my mind what kind of tattoo i want.<br /><br /><--i want my tattoo on the same spot like on the picture. i just dont know what picture i will make there... If anyone has suggestions what i should do please let me know.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-8109323150970623282009-08-31T00:26:00.001+03:002009-08-31T00:26:39.872+03:00011: miserable failureThat all i have to say.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-5905447618452342642009-08-28T21:25:00.004+03:002009-08-29T01:53:10.432+03:00009: food, binge, miaSo i had a fabulous day of not eating until four o'clock. This morning i weight 58.7 kg and i was jumping from joy. i had lost 6.3kg with 8 days. Of course i realized that most of it was water weight because when i weight it was after 4 days of full on binge eating. but i was happy and when i looked in the mirror i was not disgusted like i usually are. So all was well i even<br />went out with my friends and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">didnt</span> eat cookies what where offered several times i was so happy about my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">self control</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">and</span> i had a really good time.<br />About 3pm i got home and started reading Cosmopolitan. And then i looked ate the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">refrigerator</span>(witch is next to my bed at the moment bacause of the renovation)and i knew there was some cauli flower in ther so i thougt hmmm i have done so good i will just take a few bites. Well you all know whet that means. Before i knew it i was eating beanut butter from the jar with a knife.Well then i ate some more stuff about 3000cals( i didnt really want to count) i was so full and my tummy hurt so much. And i hated so much of myself. anywas then mom tells me she is going out. My tummy is so bloated and well what does a ED girl do when no-one is at home and she has just had a massive binge.?...<br />Of course here comes her friendenemy mia. I put on some music to cover the voices what i was doinf in the bathroom and looked the door.<br />Well i may just say that i dont like to purge. It is just so uncomfortable and messy and just not my thing. And i may also say that i am not good at it i have done it like 10 times and usually i can purge very very little. But this time it was different i was much better in it and i think i actually Purged like 1/5 of all i had eaten. i know it is not much but usually i am lucky if i can geat i few mouthfulls of food up (i know grose) Anywys i felt better and also mure shittyer after that. I hated that i had to stick my finger down my troath but i loved the feeling that i had atleast gotten out some of the horrible food.<br />Now when i finished i had a problem. The toilet was smelling well it was smelling like someone had just purged. I know that my mom would have smelled it and then i would have to do some explaining. But you know i am a clever girl. I turned on the stove put some milk into the pot and then just left it there. So now my house was full of burnt milk smell. I knew that my mom would say a few words about me not beeing carefull when i cook something but that is a hell of a lot better than her finding out that her lovely daughter just spen half an our on her kneew and her head sticked in the toilet.<br /><br />I have no ide what i am going to do tomorrow. i may fast if i feel that i am up to it or maybe i will go buy ise-cream eat it and purge. Okey i am not going to purge any more well at least not soon.<br /><br />hope you all loveles are doing better. I GOT BORED SO I DID ANOTHER COLLAGE.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXawxQ2MZWfO7o4I4jpC5V_vhmwqi-FYWXCFyBidSh3qDY5TvyqeYJ8INippGXIU5_MhaB8Kz7qdO7JfXs4yVb8AM041D3NIGd_OLStk4jM3h3OyYOt_6f4UjNagob1kJsamj_m3XrBIY/s1600-h/002.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 218px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXawxQ2MZWfO7o4I4jpC5V_vhmwqi-FYWXCFyBidSh3qDY5TvyqeYJ8INippGXIU5_MhaB8Kz7qdO7JfXs4yVb8AM041D3NIGd_OLStk4jM3h3OyYOt_6f4UjNagob1kJsamj_m3XrBIY/s400/002.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375151340109132226" border="0" /></a>-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-82745996931716143862009-08-27T15:46:00.003+03:002009-08-27T16:15:43.697+03:00008:FastingI got bored so i did this little collage. I am unhappy they i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dont</span> have a printer so i could print it out.
<br />
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr4g8bkuiAw7D7scY4vU8x4L1MZ1Wuj3jTuNaCrOq9EzG5eIM19ntsFjVMKNGSrHNKR_-NrtivR-us807R3YBSXwzQpol0kIoWRkc-v8VxnksshzgZM5L2Ariwz6Oe9frXlEaQS08lV58/s1600-h/001-2.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr4g8bkuiAw7D7scY4vU8x4L1MZ1Wuj3jTuNaCrOq9EzG5eIM19ntsFjVMKNGSrHNKR_-NrtivR-us807R3YBSXwzQpol0kIoWRkc-v8VxnksshzgZM5L2Ariwz6Oe9frXlEaQS08lV58/s400/001-2.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374624269693196114" border="0" /></a>
<br />I am doing <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">okey</span> at the moment. In food department no solid food has passed my lips from 7.00pm last night and no food solid food will not pass my lips as long as i can keep this up. But i am aiming for a 65 hour fast witch means i get to eat breakfast on Saturday morning at 10 am. Just have to watch out that i will not end my fast with binge eating.
<br />My mom will be home like an hour or so and well i have to throw some food away or she will notice that i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">havent</span> eaten. There is just two of us so it is really simple to notice that i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">havent</span> eaten when i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">dont</span> throw anything away. i actually <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dont</span> want to do that but i have no other choice. Some bread and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">beanut</span> butter will be sacrificed. that means i cant binge on them in the evening so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">thats</span> 2 good points.
<br />I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">havent</span> done anything much today. i finished reading 2 blogs from start to finish.
<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Poker face</span> and <meta equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><title></title><meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.0 (Win32)"><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 2cm } P { margin-bottom: 0.21cm } H1 { margin-bottom: 0.21cm } H1.western { font-family: "Arial", sans-serif; font-size: 16pt } H1.cjk { font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 16pt } H1.ctl { font-family: "Tahoma"; font-size: 16pt } --></style><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Guest for perfection</span> (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">sry</span> my computer went nuts and i cant Link) . I should do something besides siting in from of my computer but i am just to lazy ass to do anything else.
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<br />I will be going to the library when my mom gets home. I am a bit avoiding her at the moment even though i have no good reason for it. Just that she will ask Questions about my life and for some reason even the most smallest things irritate the hell out of me. I mean i hate when she comes home, looks at me and then decides in her little head that i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">dont</span> look happy enough so she goes like : "what is the matter? be happier <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">bla</span>-blah. God could you just leave me alone for once. Cant you understand that i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">dont</span> feel comfortable about speaking to you about my feelings and things what are going on in my life. I knows she really loves me and cares and wants to be my best friend and the person who i can just speak freely about everything but it is just not happening. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">okey</span>. So leave it alone. I will never tell you that i have issues with eating, my body and well everything in my life. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">dont</span> want you to know or i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">dont</span> want my friends to know because they will not understand me and they will judge me and they will start thinking differently about me and i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">dont</span> want that. To them i will be this confident girl who can <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">achieve</span> everything she wants.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-74187021652178524622009-08-26T20:37:00.012+03:002009-08-27T19:29:18.549+03:00007: Yes i can do this.Intake: 800 (chicken, apples, banana, slice of bread)<br />I know it is Quite high but well at least i am not binging. I mean my food plan is so messed up i usually skip breakfast(i know most important meal of the day blah-blah) so lunch will be like 200 cal and then dinner is like i go nuts. But well i mean even if i would eat breakfast and a normal lunch i would still eat the same size dinner as i do on days i skip breakfast. so i may as well fast on till dinner so my cals will be lower for the day. and in my mind that is all what counts. i know that it is more likely that i gain weight when i eat dinner than i eat breakfast because i cant burn the cals before bed but well i am just stronger in the morning than in the evening. So i will stick to what works for me.<br /><br />On another note i am from now on trying to structure my writings more like i will have actually paragraphs and punctuation marks and a big letter at the start of a sentence. Because before i was so like what ever, i will just write and dont care about that crap but it is so much better to read when everything is in order. I know before i used a lot of this: .... . it usually means an unfinished sentence or thought. And that actually happens a lot to me i have many times trouble to like say out loud the thought or idea i am thinking of. it is like i have everything planned in my mind but i find it sometimes hard to explain others what is in my mind, if you know what i mean. okey, i am now more structured.<br /><br />I think i mentioned in some of my older post that i am doing my licences. I my country we have to go to a driving school and take some theory and practical ( drive a car around the city) lessons. When the learning part is finished we have to take schools theory and driving tests. And i did my theory test today and i passed. but it was like so close to failing. and i have my driving test on Monday (scary) and after that is done we have to go and do another theory and driving test in the ...(dont know how to say it) Car Register Center. when that is done i get my license and that will be a day i will party like hell. Anyways i have to learn so much for my theory test in CRC because i kind of cheated today. I know i am bad but hell i needed to pass because my driving test was all ready scheduled on Monday. and anyways i need to do a norther theory test and there i cant cheat but i will have at least a month to learn so i will be fine.<br />Actually i had the chance to to the tests earlier but the thing was that a few weeks ago i was so depressed because of my eating that i even didnt go out of my room so. I dont want to go back to that dark hole again NEVER EVER. That was Just so BAd. i dont even want to think about that.<br /><br />SO i have Thursday and Friday when my mom is working most of the day and i am home alone. ( my mom had vacation last 3 days and i almost went nuts) Anyway i usually tend to binge when i am home alone and nothing to occupy my time but well this time that will not happen actually i am trying to liquid fast for two days. Well see how i do. i will not beat myself up if i eat little but dont binge. I have actually completed a fast once and it was just one day but you have to start form somewhere. Right.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Plan:</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Liquids:</span> water, orange juice diluted with water, coffee+sugar replacement+milk, tea+milk+sugar replacement.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Things to keep me occupied:</span><br /><ul><li>Read the book i bought tonight "The Magic of Metaphor"by Nick Owen<br /></li><li>Repair my tv (the satellite is disconnected)</li><li><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Go to the library</span><br /></li><li><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 0);">Find new thinspo pics and do a collage</span><br /></li><li>Make a workout plan for school time<br /></li><li>Move my moms couch to the right place</li><li>DO some fucking exercise !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</li><li>Read books when i want to eat.</li><li>Write 3 pages to my Diary</li><li>Pluck my eyebrows</li><li style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Pedicure/manicure</li><li><br /></li></ul>My exercising has been so down. My bike is in the cellar because of the renovation and i cant get it out of there for at least a week and i hate running but i better start doing some exercising. I know that if i eat little i will loose but if i will exercise i will loose so much faster and also i want to be toned skinny not flabby skinny so jeah. Better start that exercising plan.<br />So what are you favourite exercise for abs, but and well everywhere else? I need your help please.!.<br /><br />OMG so my friend is sending me pictures from our last party and it was just after my binge episode at the beginning of August and i look like a HUGE; FAT; FLABBY GOW. it is so bad i just dont want to look at them. My arms and tights are HUGE i mean they are like Fat all over the place. How didnt i see that when i was eating. BAd me. So now i looked up some pictures from last year when my bmi: 18 and hell i looked so good. Why the fucking hell did i let myself get this point that i cant make a difference between myself and a fat pig. At least there pics what i ot from hear where a big thinspo. i am so sad right now. And this gives me more determination to shed this weight. I WILL DO MY FAST TOMORROW AND THE NEXT DAY AND I WILL ACCOMPLISH WHAT I NEED AND WANT.<br /><br />I will reply to your comments now (and try to link also):<br /><br /><a href="http://starvingmyselfpretty.blogspot.com/">Heather:</a>Well i was saying i will not beat myself up but in realty we all know that that little worse in you head still goes: what the hell did you eat so much. That voice just stays there weather you want to hear it or not.<br /><br /><a href="http://wannafloataway.blogspot.com/">Rihianna:</a> Thank you so much. you really made me a bit happier after reading your comment. nice to have you as a buddy.<br /><br /><a href="http://ladydestroyed.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow" onclick="">Lady Destroyed</a>: Jeah you should get that. also i did some research and well you should do at least 45 min everyday for it to work the best. that should not be hard because you can like watch tv at the same time. Like on Mondays i hula-hoop and watch Americas next top model so that an hour of hooping right there.<br /><br /><a href="http://acceptingana.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow" onclick="">Ana's Girl</a>:Well it was a half binge i suppose. because i usually just loose it in the evenings. but this time i could stop myself before reaching like 3000 cals.<br />M is a sweet hart and i love to talk to him and i think i can really trust him anything accept my eating disorders. because i just dont want him to think that i am some nuts girl who cant be happy with myself. In every situation i try to seem confident even if i am not. And i just wanted to say that all your comments are so supportive. Thanks for being there.<br /><br /><a href="http://cravingaccountability.blogspot.com/">CA:</a>Thanks so much for your help. i try to investigate some more and then i will post a table or something here.<br /><br />Okey this time i even did some links. i am so proud hehe. Now i will go and check out all your blogs. Which should be easy. Because a minute ago i went to the kitchen thirsty as hell and the first thing i found was a big cup of cold coffee left over from my "breakfast" so before thinking i just poured it down and now well i dont really think i will be going to bed very soon.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-3633559770472675422009-08-25T19:06:00.003+03:002009-08-25T22:13:15.315+03:00006:Intake: 400 apples<br />--------150 fish stick<br />--------200 bread<br />Total: 750<br /><br />Outtake: hula-hooping 2 hours -????<br /> being alive 1 day -1300 cal<br /><br />My basic metabolism rate is 1300 cals. that is what i burn just staying alive.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">USA-----UK---European</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">------</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Bust size</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">------Waist size------</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Hip size</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">--0 ------4-------30-------31.5 in/80 cm-----23"/60cm------34"/86 cm </span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">--2 ------6-------32-------</span>34.5"-35"/87cm----------26.5"-27"-------36.5"-37".<br /><br />Well after my research i realize that the numbers are so varied... i wanted to know how little i have to be but well ever page i was on gave different numbers... frustrating. so if someone could help me a little in that department that would be great...-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-56119033340570006092009-08-24T21:54:00.003+03:002009-08-24T23:41:21.029+03:00005:It is fineIntake: about 1600 cal<br />But it is fine i am not going to beat myself up. it is less than a regular person would eat. it is fine i will do better tomorrow. i am not harsh on myself becasue last time it led to a binge. and also i did some exercise so...<br />i went to town and i walked everywhere no public transportation. well i think i walked at least 9miles today so that is great<br />WAlking: -500cal<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.femme.ee/img/hularongas1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 336px; height: 204px;" src="http://www.femme.ee/img/hularongas1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />hula-hooping<br />I also did 2 hours of that but not in water, i was in my living room and at the same time i was watching Biggest looser. But really i have no idea how much it bunt cals. ANdd soy for the gross pic but it i a good reverse thinspo...<br />So if someone could tell me how much it burnt cals that would be great...<br />SO i have to mention that it is a really good workout for your waste and especially for my gross muffin tops.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Hanna/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpg" alt="" />-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-8816649305129889902009-08-23T16:25:00.008+03:002009-08-23T23:31:00.526+03:00004: Tomatos and applesCant hurt a fly.- Well that expression you cant use when you are describing me because i just killed of at least dozen of those little bastards. I mean i got to bed about 1am and dozed to sleep about 2am and then i woke up a few times because my troth was so dry and i had drink some water... but then i just could not fall a sleep again because the flies where all over my face and they would just not go away so i had to wave my hand constantly to scare them off so no sleeping.. annoying as hell. so i did a little fly manicure a few minutes ago. i had to be careful though because if my mom saw a dead fly corpse on her new wall-paper she would do her own manicure if you know what i mean...<br /><br />I lost my earring today or yesterday... dam i loved those earring they looked good on me... and today in the morning when i realized it was gone i fist thought that i lost it at my trip to city but i looked around a bit and find the really tiny thing what keep the earring in your ear so i had to loose it at home, but i cant find it. the back of the earring is like so tiny and i found it almost instantly but i cant find a 2cm purple earring ... may i say i was annoyed.<br />it i just like when i was in town i was so easy to find out all the bus <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">schedules</span> and take a long drive where i had to switch between 3 <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">buses</span> to get from one mall to another in a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"></span> town i dont know but it took me fucking half an our to find the toilet in the mall even though i had the map of the place... like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">WTF</span><br />i am babbling all over the place <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">sry</span>...<br /><br />Intake: 600cal what included tomatoes and apples (hint the heading)<br />--------100cal-bread<br />-------100cal soup<br />Total: 800<br /><br />So my computer just finished downloading Biggest looser season 7. going to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">just</span> this for reverse and also positive <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">thinspo</span>. also this will occupy some time when i will not be eating.<br /><br />I had a nice chat with...well lets call him M... i had not heard from him about a month and i can admit it that i really missed talking to him... i met him a year ago and hi lives far away but we meet time to time and also text and have long talks in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">msn</span>. I just feel that he is a good friend and i trust him more that my friend who i have known for years. and i just love to talk to him. it is so easy... he is a good friend and i think he likes me maybe even wants me as a girlfriend and i really <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">dont</span> know... he is sweet and i can feel that he cares about me so much... and god he is just i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">dont</span> know so good to me and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">makes</span> me cheer up and makes me feel like i am <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">pretty</span> and loved... but i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">dont</span> know if i have those feeling for him or not... i have to sort out my feelings.. and there is also T who i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">havent</span> seen about 2months and well i still obsess about him... T is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">more</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">of a</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">abad</span> boy but M is sort of good boy...<br />M is so observant. i spent tow days with him and he totally noticed my eating was so wrong...<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 255, 102);">He said:" you know you worry too much about what you eat"</span><br />i was just speechless... he piked up that so easily ... just with a day spent together... and my friend <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">didnt</span> take the issue up even when my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">bmi</span> was like 18 or so.<br />but he just said one sentence and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">didnt</span> torched the subject more although we spoke all night.<br /><br />Comments:<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 255, 51);"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Rihanna</span>:</span> thank you so much for your support and the guy thing just made my day. :D<br /></div><br /><a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 255, 51);" href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10588270419894145137" rel="nofollow">Ana's Girl</a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 255, 51);"> </span>: thank you so much your comments just lift my mood.<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">jeah</span> being called normal is just so bad for me...i hate to be average or in the middle i want to be the best in everything i do and i want to be the hottest girl...<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">mediocrity </span>is my worst enemy!!!!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 255, 51);"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Vee</span>:</span> really hope you find my blog interesting even if it just consist of my obsessions and bitching.<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">jeah</span> i hate and love shopping... i like to get new nice thing what look fab on me but i hate to try on like thousand shirts in what you look like big fat cow before you find the one what works wonders on you.<br />Hope you will have a great and loosing ;) week too.<br /><br />And i am thinking of posting a picture of myself sometime maybe 1 of September. so i will keep it up for a few days so you can match the face and the blog but then i will <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">delete</span> it because i am way to paranoid to keep it up.<br /><br />Edit: 23.39pm<br />so i just got out of shower. god i stayed there for so long and enjoyed it, but after that i had to do a hair mask for my really damaged ends, and when i got back at the bathroom to rinse the mask out the water was so freesing...that sgows you not to take so long showers.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-79544898859118433812009-08-22T22:15:00.006+03:002009-08-23T00:15:21.318+03:00003: :)<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">so i am riding with the bus and i am sitting so that i am fasin the direction we came from(if you can understand what i mean) anyway i see this really hot guy driving his car just next to the bus and the guy there is looking well more like staring me... wow.. so the bus start to brake because there is the red traffic light so now the car starts to pass the bus so and well the driver is still looking at me and not ´paying attention on the road ahead so he almost cruched the car infrom of himm.... Well call me again a treath to mankind...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">but that siuation was just so funny and also so flattering(if you know what i mean)...</span><br /><br />But i did lots more.<br />so i got my hair dyed and cut. and you know trip to the hairdresser always cheers me up. it is nice to have a new hairdo, such a boost of confidence.<br />sad part is that she said that my hair are so damaged from the constant home coloring thing... i am naturally brunette but i dye my hair platinum blond because i like it that way better... and well i might say that i cot more attention from guyes when i am blond.... well i bought this mask that should help a bit.. we will see.<br />Skin doctor recommended me the BABE series for my skin. i really hope it works... i better work after all that shit cost me a fortune(well my mother because she was buying) but if i doesent i will get some pills.<br />so i got to do some shopping. boy i love to shop. but i have a hard time to find something that fits me and i actually like. usually i think that most clothes make me fat.. you know that feeling when you are looking yourself from the huge mirror and your HUGE muffin tops just jump at you... anyway it was hard to find something because the clothes where in dark and dull colors like gray, brown, black.. but i wanted something colorful what would pop out from the crowd...<br />So i got this really bright yellow sweatshirt, it looked so good...i mean and it was size XS ... and it will look even better when i lose all the weight...<br />Also i got this dark lilac t-shirt with a cool print on it... it is a size XS but it was so so tight... but i know it will look fucking superb when i am at my ideal weight... actually i got to an argument with my mom about the size of the shirt... she wanted me to buy S because SX was so tight... but i said no because when i am skinnier S would be too big and lose. mom wasnt happy but i got my way. this hot shirt will give me a good motivation...<br />ripe rasberry pink knitted top<br />black bolero<br />some make-up too... Gosh powder and eyeliner are so good. recommend so much.. at least i like them..<br /><br />But now the most important thing Eating... tow days and i all most avoided eating even with my mom and her friend...<br /><br />Yesterday: Flavored water 2l (140cal)<br /> small cappuccino (50)<br /> Cesar salad ( splinted with my mom about 150cal )<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Total: 340</span><br /><br />Today: apple 100<br /> banana 100<br /> toffee50<br /> Flavored water 70 (i am so addicted to this white currant flavored water that it is reticules)<br /> sandwich 100<br />Total:420<br /><br />I did not see my mom and her friend much... today and yesterday i spent mostly alone shopping. and when i saw mom i said i had already eaten... I always said where and what i ate so the lie would be more believable... so at dinner time i said i was full from the big dish i had eaten earlier and in the morning i just said that i am usually not hunger in the morning time and i will eat later in town... but the practically forced me the sandwich... so i think after so much bad eating i am finally back on track...<br /><br />Moms friend looks at me and says:" You are almost normal now... before you where too thin, stick thin but now you are normal"<br />WTF i just wanted to scoot myself at that point... sure lets notice everybody that i have put on some fucking weight... frustrating.... they say i am normal but i see and know that i am now a fat cow.... but i will be nice and slender again...-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951790125229922713.post-47782133027179364872009-08-21T01:08:00.000+03:002009-08-20T22:34:15.873+03:00002: Shopping daywell the short plan for today is to eat nothing until dinner which i cant skip because i am dining with my mom and her friend but well i try to stay under 700cals (what id my new dayly limit)<br />also i will do a lot of walking tomorrow because of the shopping so that will be great.<br />i actually should go to bed because i have to wake up 5.30am in the morning to catch the bus to the city. i will be there for two days. i can probably update about how it went tomorrow late evening.<br />2 days of shoppinf a heaven for me... now i just have to get skinny and pretty again.<br /><br />i will no replay to some of your posts:<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0); font-weight: bold;">Dot:</span> thanks for your motivational post. i think you are always so positive. and you really cheer me up<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 255, 51);" dir="ltr"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/12670858226339808773" rel="nofollow" onclick="">journey to perfection</a></span>: thanks for your positive post. you are right after every failure there come ańother day and then we can pick the pieces up and start working again<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;" dir="ltr"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10588270419894145137" rel="nofollow" onclick="">Ana's Girl</a></span>: Thanks. i hope i can to it this time... i just have to. i think i actually have some eyeliner somewhere but i just have to start using it more often.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;" dir="ltr"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/03098208171673864187" rel="nofollow" onclick="">Lady Destroyed</a></span>: I will definitely look up that brand The Coty you suggested. Thank you much.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;" dir="ltr"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/12947957717753938210" rel="nofollow" onclick="">lottietogo</a>:</span> wow thanks for the long and very helpful comment. roaccutane-i will haras my doctor with that, usually she gives me things what doesent work.also i have a new blog to follow now.<br /><br />i didnt think that i would get so lonf and helping comment. thank you all so much.-H-http://www.blogger.com/profile/10837495133905821216noreply@blogger.com0