Thursday, October 15, 2009

#4 photoes

Posted by -H-

Firstly, i now have the tickets to that concert i talked a few days ago so we are definitely going. i just hope that M can also come that would be fantastic. i mean maybe i will find the courage from somewhere and try to make that next step and see if he would like me as his girlfriend. I have this thing that i think that i am too ugly, fat and boring for anyone to like me so my self-esteem is like rock-bottom.
i have actually this other guy T who i dated a year ago for a really short time, but guess what i still like him and think about him often. And there i am also like does he still like me or not. we did not break up but we just drifted away but i wish we hadnt. he has like the perfect body.
but M is really sweet and cares about me.
so i am like who do i pick.??... well i am talking about picking but maybe neither of the guys like me or want me as there gf.
We had out class pictures taken and also this album pictures where are all of the teachers and our portrait pictures. i really fucking hope i look good on on those pictures and not like a fat cow. i mean in 11 years i have only one class picture where i look normal and not a monster and that pic was taken last year when i was like 10kg lighter so.

do you have some thing that you decide if you are skinny or not.?
To my mind i am skinny if i can ware a white T-shirt and not look FAT. i never ware white t-shirts because they make me fat.

I really need to get up from my saggy butt and start doing some workouts.

I have like huge amount of clothes what i cant ware at the moment because i am a fat cow. i bought clothes and they are all in XS size and pretty tight. so every fat particle will show. Need to get skinny soon so i can ware all my lovely new clothes. Motivation. Motivation. Motivation.

Food intake:670
I am a bit worried that my body is going to starvation mode and start holding on to that fat. so i am like should i eat something to keep my metabolism going or not.
What do you think?

Ana Girl- thanks for your support. i really love to read your blog. maybe tomorrow i will not eat any of my dessert at school. lets hope that :D.

dietlexy-people see one thing and the real me is something else. i feel like i am waring a mask to hide all my flaws and fears ( fears make us vulnerable)


Rachel B said...

I will see myself as skinny when I can wear skinny jeans and not look like a cow. Seriously, I love the skinny jeans look, but I look like such a cow in them.

Also, when my clavicle and hip bones stick out like knives. Oh yes.

Ana's Girl said...

I feel your pain. Choosing between guys is a huge issue for me right now, but you knew that because, you lovely girl you, you read my rambling blog. I love you for that, just so you know. It's one of those impossible choices to make, you know... Ugh!
I'll see myself as skinny when i can see my ribs, and not before.
Yay for no dessert! How about i try my hardest not to have anything sweet tomorrow either?! Sound like a deal? We can do it!