My stomach is so big from the binge eating session i had yesterday, i feel ugly and discusting. where the hell was my common sense when i binged last night.?
i am probably at mt started weight again even more....
but i can do this.... today is an new start... i have my car lesson in the morning and then i have the day off... i probably cant do a fast because i will be too terrified that i will binge in the evening... that usually(not to say it always ) happens to me...
also i have this "club guy" who just wont stop calling me and asking when i am in town so we can meet up...
we met in the club last Friday and danced a little... now he want to meet and i well dont...because:
1.i am a big fat ugly cow at the moment (at least that i feel like one... because the food)
2. i am not that attracted to him... i am not even that sure if i would receognise the guy if he would walk past me... but i sure remember that he wasnt my type.
but in the other hand my love life is just miserable and depressing at the moment but well i petter be witout no guy than with one i dont really like...
My mum is so anoying.
Her" why are you not smiling?"
Why arent you more happy"
Me:" I am a fat, ugly, miserable, girl, who isnt liked by any guy she likes, and i dont even want to go out because i look so freaking horrible and i have the fattest and biggest stomach ever"
-but i wont say that... no...
I have noticed that lately my mood of the day depends of how much i have eaten and how fat i look from the mirror.... so why cant i just eat little so i can feel happy all day long???
Ok sry girls for this long... bitching... feeling sorry for myself entry i just wrote but i truly need a place where i can let it all out....
today is a new day and we will see what it brings to us...
it is just 6am at the moment so i will edit in the evening...
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