Saturday, July 18, 2009

DAy 9: 57.6

Posted by -H-

109.19am
Dancing around the room like a crazy person...

Where the hell this came from..?..
but i am happy, like sooo Happy, i never thought i could lose this so fast, i will soon reach my first goal weight and get my reward...
i actually promised myself that i wont buy any new clothes before i reach my UGW so that is a big motivator to me,
but i know i will start losing slower when i get my weight lower... and
i was so good yesterday... i went to a birthday party and didnt eat the greasy sausages the where grilling... and there wasnt actually much else to eat either...so that was god...less temptations...didnt drink because i didnt feel like it... i usually prefer to dring in the right company and i usually dont get wasted(but it happens too sometimes) i actually dont drin very often...only on social events and sometimes home alone when i feel i need a few sips of alcohol.

and thanks for all your lovely comments... i is so nice to know that there are other people like me and i am not alone in this.. sometimes it feels that i am the only weird and unhappy one and eveyone else are doing great and are with perfect lives..but that is not the case, everyone has problems and worries they just dont always show them to other close people...
about my mum, we get along well and i love her and i konw that she loves and cares about me so much but that is the point... she cares and wants me to be happy and stuff so she puts her nose into my stuff and life and there all the problems start...i want to be independent and she cant let go of me...

You also need some stile...
So i was walking along a busy street yesterday and started to really watch people, how they look, what they are wearing and ec. so i really noticed that fat people look bad in most clothing and skinny look much better...even in clothing what went wery nice...
but still some outfits made me wonder if the person had looked herself from the mirror before she got out..?... some clothing they where waring where just so ugly...
and i got some really good thinspo walking on that street because i dont want to be the FAT GIRL... i want to be the sexy skinny girl who everyone are staring for thinspo... :D

1pm
i am so craving for something, i want to binge, eat, aet, eat, eat, but i am not going to... have to stay strong..
i am going to let myself have a 1000cal day..i know its bad but i will still exercise -600 on a bike and maybe even more if i can...
and 1000cals is better than a full on binge...
2.30pm
Kinda hate myself at the moment for eating so much...why am i so weak..i wasnt even hungry i just wanted some food in my mouth... fucking fat idiot...
6.24 pm
i am a fail ate shit loads of stuff... fill horrible going for a very long bike ride...

In: apple(100), fried potatoes(150), chicken(200), apple(100), chicken(100), milk(150), white bread+jam(200),bread(100)..more stuff
Total: about 1900

Out: cycling 105min -700 cal
muscle workout

8.26pm
so usually when i binge or overeat i just lay around the room and dont do anything because i feel like shit... well i did feel like shit after eating way too much...but this time i kicked my but and went for a bike ride... i was aiming 2-2.5 hors but i did 1h and 45min so thats 105 min what burned about 700cals witch leaves me 1200 more but my Basic metabolism (the cals i burn just staying alive with not activity) is about 1300 so i really hope i didnd at least cane any weight...
i am also doing an muscle workout but i will rest a bit so i can to a full on workot not only few exercises because i am to tired to do more.

sry about the constant editing but i need something to do...

1 comments:

Matilda B. said...

aw, i know... the same thing happens to me. My mom is the best... and i hate lying to her, and making her all upset when she notices i don't eat as a "regular person"