Friday, July 17, 2009

Day 8: 59.2kg

Posted by -H-

10 am
It in not that bad... at least it starts with a five. and well it has been only one day since my last binge attack so it is fine. not going to be upset.
now i need to stay on track..
i have first aid course today so i have to go to a bigger town than mine. i will probably not eat during the day and then before i get there i will eat my packed dinner what i will take from home...
I have two reason why i will take it from home... 1) some food will be missing from the fridge so mum will be happy that i ate..2) i cant usually find anything filling and low cal and things i can eat outside from stores i visit...
I have big problems with throwing away food. me and my mum live together just two of us... i am usually home a lone during the day when she is at work... so avoiding food i easy but she will notice if i havent eaten anything from the fridge... so i should throw some of the food away but i seems so much of a waste of money....
BTW me and my mum live in a one room apartment That means: kitchen, hall-way, toilet, bathroom and ONE ROOM where we both sleep and just be during the days... so you might imagine the conflicts we might have... my mum is really sweet and wants to help me and stuff it is just me who dosent want her poking around my life... so i get upset when she starts the 21 questions...
so on work days she is usually gone from 8am-5.30pm so that is a happy day...usually i will then do my running or cycling workout so i will not be at home... and then sometimes she will go do something outside... but still we are together too much (in my mind) and the emotions just go overboard... what usually ends up mum crying because and i quote:"why dont you want to talk to me?".. jeah sry i just dont want to talk about my insecurities with you or any of the people i know.. i want to look strong and self-confident to others who know me... but you here.. dont know me in real life and well you will understand me because i know what it is like... so thanks huns for being here for me...
.... and i wanted to say that i dont cry never ever... my mum is so emotional but i am much colder when it come to dealing with sad stufff.
i am just rambling about sry.. i just need a place where i can let it all out.

You know my social life is getting away from me getting skinny... i have a birthday party coming on Saturday and there will be food..but i will probably manage to avoid it... at least i hope i can.. also we have to bring our own drinks so that really a cut back from cals because i really cant afford a lot of drinks...

1 pm
got back from my jogging. did 45 minutes and burned about 400 cals, so that is great and btw i am not even hungry at the moment what is even more great. did some abs too but i sill havent managed to come up with a good muscle workout routine for myself, also i am thinking that i should not do running or cycling and then have a muscle workout right after that because i am usually just so fucking tired that i cant to much... so jeah have to think about that.
In: bread(200), apple(100), chicken (150), Cauliflower with butter(150)
Total 600
Out: -400 jogging


Marca said...

Since you live so close to your mother, I think you are really strong. I mean, I could never have hidden my eating issues if my mother and I lived like that.
And don't worry about the weight. It'll go down as soon as your back on track again.
Stay strong hun<33

pokerface said...

I get that from my mum too about not speaking to her. I suppose I should but I just don't feel close to her like that. I'm a very solitary person naturally and the pressure she tries to put on me is awful. I see you're in sort of the same situation. You're not alone if that helps at all. Good luck xx

Dot said...

Hey! Thankx for the comment! It's so nice to get such positive responses ; )
That must be hard with living with your mom like that...I know I'd kill my mother if I ever had to live in such close proximity to her, so I think you're really strong to be able to deal with it.
Good job today and stay strong <3