Monday, July 6, 2009

Failing

Posted by -H-

i have plans
but then i overaet and feel like i real low life and a person who cant achieve anything
i am so down at the moment actually i have been feeling like shit for a wile now
i am NUMB
Linking Park- Numb
just like i am feeling
i just want to curl up in the corner and pull a blanket over my head and just sit there

sry for the rant i am just feeling so bad and i have no other place to write it

i just had a bringe episode and well that make everything even worse and i had a plan to start a "UNDER 500kcal DIET" today.

Actually i am so normal that it bores me to death.
I have a loving mother, pretty good friends, i have good grades and to the naked eye everything seemes to be good and happy for me but if you look closer you will see cracks in my mask. and if you look even deeper you will see a soul what is broken.

i look average, i am in an average weight and i look average but i want to be skinny, hot, sexy, the girl that everyone envies and all the boys and men want. i want to be that confident girl who walks into a room like she owns it.

edit:
my mom is sitting in the other room crying because i am not sheering my feelings with her. god what i have to say... that i am fucking hating myself at the moment because i am a big fat ugly pig...???
i cant even buy a scale because she would go nuts over it. fuck.
i want to go back to the city where i worked to get away from her again.

she is so much like: Talk to me and tell me what is wrong. why are you in a bad mood? what is wrong? Tell me? talk to me? tell me! talk. You dont want to talk to me? why dont you talk to me?
and well then the tears come... i hate that she is so emotional.... i dont cry. EVER
i cant remember the last time i cried.


GOD MY STOMACH HURT BECAUSE ALL THIS OVEREATING AND BRINGING TODAY....

2 comments:

Marca said...

It's good your back! And that binge didn't ruin all you have done. We all have bad days were we binge (I had a bad day yesterday), so don't take it that hard.
I'm also doing an under-500 kcal diet, so maybe we could kinda do it together? :D

Stay strong!

Thinantha said...

you should try and do the ABC diet with me... no day is over 500 calories and some days you fast. I start today. we could support each other and when we get cravings we should text or something...

honestly i feel like shit everyday because i over eat and i'm ready to change that. Im ready to get some motivation and some self control.

wanna join me?