Hunt for perfection....

so i am riding with the bus and i am sitting so that i am fasin the direction we came from(if you can understand what i mean) anyway i see this really hot guy driving his car just next to the bus and the guy there is looking well more like staring me... wow.. so the bus start to brake because there is the red traffic light so now the car starts to pass the bus so and well the driver is still looking at me and not ´paying attention on the road ahead so he almost cruched the car infrom of himm.... Well call me again a treath to mankind...
but that siuation was just so funny and also so flattering(if you know what i mean)...

But i did lots more.
so i got my hair dyed and cut. and you know trip to the hairdresser always cheers me up. it is nice to have a new hairdo, such a boost of confidence.
sad part is that she said that my hair are so damaged from the constant home coloring thing... i am naturally brunette but i dye my hair platinum blond because i like it that way better... and well i might say that i cot more attention from guyes when i am blond.... well i bought this mask that should help a bit.. we will see.
Skin doctor recommended me the BABE series for my skin. i really hope it works... i better work after all that shit cost me a fortune(well my mother because she was buying) but if i doesent i will get some pills.
so i got to do some shopping. boy i love to shop. but i have a hard time to find something that fits me and i actually like. usually i think that most clothes make me fat.. you know that feeling when you are looking yourself from the huge mirror and your HUGE muffin tops just jump at you... anyway it was hard to find something because the clothes where in dark and dull colors like gray, brown, black.. but i wanted something colorful what would pop out from the crowd...
So i got this really bright yellow sweatshirt, it looked so good...i mean and it was size XS ... and it will look even better when i lose all the weight...
Also i got this dark lilac t-shirt with a cool print on it... it is a size XS but it was so so tight... but i know it will look fucking superb when i am at my ideal weight... actually i got to an argument with my mom about the size of the shirt... she wanted me to buy S because SX was so tight... but i said no because when i am skinnier S would be too big and lose. mom wasnt happy but i got my way. this hot shirt will give me a good motivation...
ripe rasberry pink knitted top
black bolero
some make-up too... Gosh powder and eyeliner are so good. recommend so much.. at least i like them..

But now the most important thing Eating... tow days and i all most avoided eating even with my mom and her friend...

Yesterday: Flavored water 2l (140cal)
small cappuccino (50)
Cesar salad ( splinted with my mom about 150cal )
Total: 340

Today: apple 100
banana 100
toffee50
Flavored water 70 (i am so addicted to this white currant flavored water that it is reticules)
sandwich 100
Total:420

I did not see my mom and her friend much... today and yesterday i spent mostly alone shopping. and when i saw mom i said i had already eaten... I always said where and what i ate so the lie would be more believable... so at dinner time i said i was full from the big dish i had eaten earlier and in the morning i just said that i am usually not hunger in the morning time and i will eat later in town... but the practically forced me the sandwich... so i think after so much bad eating i am finally back on track...

Moms friend looks at me and says:" You are almost normal now... before you where too thin, stick thin but now you are normal"
WTF i just wanted to scoot myself at that point... sure lets notice everybody that i have put on some fucking weight... frustrating.... they say i am normal but i see and know that i am now a fat cow.... but i will be nice and slender again...