Friday, August 28, 2009

009: food, binge, mia

Posted by -H-

So i had a fabulous day of not eating until four o'clock. This morning i weight 58.7 kg and i was jumping from joy. i had lost 6.3kg with 8 days. Of course i realized that most of it was water weight because when i weight it was after 4 days of full on binge eating. but i was happy and when i looked in the mirror i was not disgusted like i usually are. So all was well i even
went out with my friends and didnt eat cookies what where offered several times i was so happy about my self control and i had a really good time.
About 3pm i got home and started reading Cosmopolitan. And then i looked ate the refrigerator(witch is next to my bed at the moment bacause of the renovation)and i knew there was some cauli flower in ther so i thougt hmmm i have done so good i will just take a few bites. Well you all know whet that means. Before i knew it i was eating beanut butter from the jar with a knife.Well then i ate some more stuff about 3000cals( i didnt really want to count) i was so full and my tummy hurt so much. And i hated so much of myself. anywas then mom tells me she is going out. My tummy is so bloated and well what does a ED girl do when no-one is at home and she has just had a massive binge.?...
Of course here comes her friendenemy mia. I put on some music to cover the voices what i was doinf in the bathroom and looked the door.
Well i may just say that i dont like to purge. It is just so uncomfortable and messy and just not my thing. And i may also say that i am not good at it i have done it like 10 times and usually i can purge very very little. But this time it was different i was much better in it and i think i actually Purged like 1/5 of all i had eaten. i know it is not much but usually i am lucky if i can geat i few mouthfulls of food up (i know grose) Anywys i felt better and also mure shittyer after that. I hated that i had to stick my finger down my troath but i loved the feeling that i had atleast gotten out some of the horrible food.
Now when i finished i had a problem. The toilet was smelling well it was smelling like someone had just purged. I know that my mom would have smelled it and then i would have to do some explaining. But you know i am a clever girl. I turned on the stove put some milk into the pot and then just left it there. So now my house was full of burnt milk smell. I knew that my mom would say a few words about me not beeing carefull when i cook something but that is a hell of a lot better than her finding out that her lovely daughter just spen half an our on her kneew and her head sticked in the toilet.

I have no ide what i am going to do tomorrow. i may fast if i feel that i am up to it or maybe i will go buy ise-cream eat it and purge. Okey i am not going to purge any more well at least not soon.

hope you all loveles are doing better. I GOT BORED SO I DID ANOTHER COLLAGE.


Ana's Girl said...

I just had an awful binge today too. I'm so not looking forward to blogging about it... :( Tomorrow will be better for both of us.

Again, i love the collage. Might have to print this one off too, if i can stop feeling guilty about using up the ink my mom bought for my thinspo stuff all the time. Lol.