I got bored so i did this little collage. I am unhappy they i dont have a printer so i could print it out.
I am doing okey at the moment. In food department no solid food has passed my lips from 7.00pm last night and no food solid food will not pass my lips as long as i can keep this up. But i am aiming for a 65 hour fast witch means i get to eat breakfast on Saturday morning at 10 am. Just have to watch out that i will not end my fast with binge eating.
My mom will be home like an hour or so and well i have to throw some food away or she will notice that i havent eaten. There is just two of us so it is really simple to notice that i havent eaten when i dont throw anything away. i actually dont want to do that but i have no other choice. Some bread and beanut butter will be sacrificed. that means i cant binge on them in the evening so thats 2 good points.
I havent done anything much today. i finished reading 2 blogs from start to finish.
Poker face and
I will be going to the library when my mom gets home. I am a bit avoiding her at the moment even though i have no good reason for it. Just that she will ask Questions about my life and for some reason even the most smallest things irritate the hell out of me. I mean i hate when she comes home, looks at me and then decides in her little head that i dont look happy enough so she goes like : "what is the matter? be happier bla-blah. God could you just leave me alone for once. Cant you understand that i dont feel comfortable about speaking to you about my feelings and things what are going on in my life. I knows she really loves me and cares and wants to be my best friend and the person who i can just speak freely about everything but it is just not happening. okey. So leave it alone. I will never tell you that i have issues with eating, my body and well everything in my life. I dont want you to know or i dont want my friends to know because they will not understand me and they will judge me and they will start thinking differently about me and i dont want that. To them i will be this confident girl who can achieve everything she wants.
2 comments:
Oooh. Your collage is lovely. May i print it out and put it on my bedroom wall?
I hate throwing away food too; i feel so guilty wasting it... and yet i get this strength rush from it sometimes too.
Don't feel too bad about not doing much. It is a fast day, after all, and you don't want to over-extend yourself on a day when you're not eating or you might--God forbid--actually eat! Stay strong, hunny.
I know exactly how you feel about the friends part. it totally sucks
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